Stop! Thief!

My phone got stolen.

At first I thought I just lost it.... which, technically, I sort of did. Jack and I were at the movie theater last weekend to see the Star Trek movie (love!!!), and the next afternoon I couldn't find my phone anywhere. In a burst of inspiration, I called the movie theater and asked about it.

EMILY
Hi, I was just wondering if anyone found a cell phone last night?


MOVIE THEATER EMPLOYEE
Um, what kind of cell phone?


EMILY
Verizon... it's a silver one.


MOVIE THEATER EMPLOYEE
Okay, lemme check. [Returns after brief pause.] Well, there was a silver phone, but it was already claimed.

EMILY
Uh... okay then. Thanks anyway.

So naturally, I figured, Guess that wasn't my phone after all. Right? Otherwise how could it have been claimed? Wouldn't there be some kind of test or proof? For example:

WOULD-BE PHONE THIEF
[sidling up to counter] Hi, uh.... were there any cell phones found recently, perchance?

MOVIE THEATER EMPLOYEE
Yeah, actually, there were. What kind did you lose?

WOULD-BE PHONE THIEF
[taking a gamble] Well, you know, my phone... um.... my phone is sort of metallic in color. And it, uh, flips open?

MOVIE THEATER EMPLOYEE
[suspicious] Well, hmm, we did get a phone like that.... but... Well. One more question. [Opens phone, presses a few buttons.] Whose name do you have under "In Case of Emergency"???

WOULD-BE PHONE THIEF
Curses! Foiled again!

So I went to the Verizon store to get a new phone. Which I did. (And it's purple! I am not particularly girly but this nevertheless secretly fills my heart with glee.)



Later on I called my mom to give her my new number. And my mom told me that the theater called her the very day I lost the phone (evidently they dial the number labeled "Mom," not the one labeled "In Case of Emergency"-- which, FYI, would have dialed my husband and ultimately been much more helpful). They told her that I just needed to go in and claim my phone and provide some proof of ownership. So she, allegedly, emailed me to tell me this. Apparently cyberspace ate that email message in a fit of malevolence, because I never got it.

But in any case. Do you know what this means? It means the theater did have my phone, and let someone claim it who wasn't me! Despite the fact that they apparently were going to require "proof"! So evidently the situation actually went a bit more like this:

WOULD-BE PHONE THIEF
[approaching counter with wide, innocent eyes] Hi, um, I lost my cell phone.

MOVIE THEATER EMPLOYEE
You did? Well, that stinks. Let me see if we found any phones..... oh, yep, we did! [holds up phone] Is this one yours?

WOULD-BE PHONE THIEF
Why yes, yes it is. That's my phone, all right.

MOVIE THEATER EMPLOYEE
Oh good, I'm glad you got it back. [hands it over] Have a good night!

WOULD-BE (AND ULTIMATELY SUCCESSFUL) PHONE THIEF
Score!